Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
