Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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