dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
