Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
