Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
