This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
