Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
