the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
