Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
