a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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