I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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