grandma shit on top of the toilet
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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