I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
