dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
