I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
