she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
this is an emotional support booty call
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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