Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
