i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
