I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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