i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
