i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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