i was born a porn star she said
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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