he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
