Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
