Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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