Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
