She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Your penis caused this!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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