You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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