Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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