The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
