i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
