I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
BRING THE BAGELS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
