I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
