He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
