we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
