Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
