We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
