I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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