yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
