Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
