I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
