you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
