On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
