i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
