My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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