Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
