just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
