Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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