who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
