dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
