Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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