i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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