Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
