if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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