He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
