I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
