i would punch a child for taco bell
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
