I must be too annoying 4 u.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
