I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
