this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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