pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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