cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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