Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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