you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
