She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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