I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
