Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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