Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
