I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
