well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
