fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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