So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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