yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My brain says no but my pants say off.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
