I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
