Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
