Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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