To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
