I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
